In Your Absence
by IceShadow
Summary: First in the Self Love series I've been working on. Kajimoto finds himself wanting in the middle of the night..but who's his fantasy man.


**In Your Absence  
Author: **Saint/IceShadow/Frozenshade**  
Pairing: **Kajimoto?**  
Rating: **R**  
Notes: **Taking a bigger break then I wanted to from Paper lanterns, but hopefully a chapter will be coming in the near future. This is going to be a self love series I'm doing for my own sake. As always my thanks goes out to my Aki.

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Kajimoto Takahisa shifted for the three hundredth time that night, rolling on his side and trying to find a comfortable position. However, at this point everything was uncomfortable. Sometimes no matter how much you thought you had your mind under control it surprised the hell out of you. At the moment, Kajimoto was finding out just how out of control his thoughts could be.

Every time his eyes closed, his mind began to wander, drifting to the touch of skin and the shiver of breath. Purple eyes would snap open, the clock having crawled a few more minutes into the night. The lack of comfort was more because of the thoughts, then of any aches or pains…except for a certain one that was beginning to drive him to utter distraction.

Sometimes the mighty fell to the base desires…and Kajimoto was about to fall.

Those violet-eyes slipped close again as he rolled over onto his back, the clean white sheets shifting beneath him as he settled. Just some relief so the body could relax enough that he could sleep. No one was here anyways. He kicked down the comforter and let his fingers drift along his stomach, pulling the t-shirt up a bit so he could feel his own skin. The images behind his eyes started back up again, not his fingers any more, but his lovers.

Lips parted a bit, shirt hiking up to reveal that tight stomach that flexed beneath his own touch, though the phantom fingers of someone else took their place behind Kajimoto's eyes. The moon cast its light through the sheer curtains, reflecting off exposed tan skin as the hand inched along the waistband of his pants, pushing it down to expose hipbones that he caressed with his thumbs. Head fell to the side, eyes closing a bit tighter as the ghost of lips pressed along them, his mind conjuring up the tongue that made his flesh tingle with even more anticipation.

Need was making his breath pick up, having already been aroused half the night, his body demanded completion. Though Kajimoto would not rush this because the one behind his eyes never rushed. Always slow, always teasing…controlling and dominating every reaction.

Lithe body arched as pants managed to be removed with a few well-placed movements, kicked off but still resting around one ankle. His hand slid around his arousal, hard and aching as the feather light touch drifted over it. He outright moaned, catching his lower lip between his teeth to stifle the noise as he closed his grip a bit firmer.

The one behind his eyes had done more though, the emptiness in him being all too pronounced as this fantasy unfolded. Despite the movement of his hand, it was still losing the effect of the desire, the need for that one that hovered above him, breath on his throat and hand around his erection.

His free hand reached to the side, struggling to hold onto the vision while searching under the edge of his mattress. He found what he was looking for as well as the little sealed packet he kept under there as well. Sometimes it just paid to be prepared even if he was generally not so sex minded…but everyone had their moments. Fingers traced along the blue plastic vibrator that the ghost in his fantasy had bought for him, not that he ever utilized it before. He had never had to, never been so distracted…always had some sort of outlet. Tonight was different, the clock echoed the lateness, when cell phones were turned off and silence reined supreme.

Thoughts had no time to drift though as deft fingers reacted to the images unfolding in his mind. The packet snapped open as hands wrapped around the toy, slicking it even as he burned with need, throbbing internally with every second he waited. It was not something so impersonal as plastic in his hands, but the arousal of the one he wanted so badly that his mind refused to let him rest.

One knee pulled up, leaving him more exposed then even before, but he had no time to reflect. The fantasy was blurring, seeming so real in the dark quiet room. Breath shuddered as he pressed the toy into himself, slow as he adjusted to each inch of the impersonal plaything. Once inside…once adjusted…his fantasy took complete hold of him.

Back arched as his head fell back, one hand working the vibrator into him while the other wrapped back around his arousal. No more tease to the movements now as he writhed, looking to find that spot that only his lover seemed to be able to find on the first stroke. Body jerked as he finally found it, imagining breath tickling against his throat and cheek, lips barely brushing as the body over his arched and pressed deeper and harder.

Cool air slid over his heated skin, prickling it even more to life, licking across the shivering muscles that lay beneath the tan skin. Fantasy was morphing, swirling into something that couldn't be distinguished, the world blurred until it was only Kajimoto and the one above him. A single syllable uttered from his lips, coloring the fantasy gold. The word whispered on the wind that slithered through the room from the open window, reverberating in the silence.

Kajimoto heard his own name whispered back, the weight of the illusion so heavy it felt like the bed dipped beneath the him, the touch of cool skin against his own heated flesh like he was really there.

"Takahisa…" so real…the words were so real, echoing in the curl of his ear making the ring there shiver slightly from the breath. The voice might have seemed real, but the lips that pressed into his were most certainly not imagined. Purple eyes flew open only to meet a reflection of the one in his dreams.

A hand gripped Kajimoto's wrist, not letting it withdraw from its grip on the toy. Yellow eyes looked down into the now open violet ones, white hair falling loose around sharp features.

"You called?" the raspy voice was whisper soft in the quiet room, looking down at the lover that lay heated and aroused on the bed. The window that had been previously shut was open, showing how the fantasy man had entered. Without a word Kajimoto leaned up to capture pierced lips in his own, the lip rings pressing into the delicate flesh that had craved the other so much.

"Jin…" he spoke against the reality, the flesh and bone of the true person he had been thinking of all night. The ghost that had haunted him, tawny eyes that hid in the darkness and were now right where he needed them.

Akutsu let his hand shift to wrap around the vibrator, sliding it in then out completely, discarding the useless plaything to the side. Leaning down he claimed those lips again, biting the lower one before deepening the kiss. Fingers undid the snaps on his own pants, even as Kajimoto's still slick fingers wrapped around the exposed flesh, stroking it to full arousal and lubing at the same time. The need was so immediate and desperate, foreplay already long since forgotten in the midst of such heated desire.

He would be embarrassed later about being caught in such a state, right now everything he wanted was right there above him. Akutsu continued to kiss, searing the soul beneath his, branding his name into it, claiming it without words as if he hadn't already. Guiding himself to his lovers prepared entrance, he slid in only giving a moment of time to adjust. One thrust and he had the one below him arching into him, coming off the bed with the need to get that much closer.

Fingers clawed into powerful shoulders, bunching the black tank top in his grip as the real desire was finally being sated. Nothing ever could compare, it was just cheap facsimile in the face of the person inside him. Face buried in that long, pale throat, muffling the moans of passion that spilled from lips swollen with rough kisses.

It was all too soon before he was falling, crashing and coming with such force it shook him to the core. The syllable echoed again, worth as much as it's meaning as it was called into the strong shoulder, absorbed by pale flesh.

The white haired monster was not far behind him, the sheer passion in his normally reserved lover had sparked his own arousal to ridiculous levels of need. The last few thrusts shook the other beneath him, only causing Kajimoto to cling more as the pleasure blinded him. Teeth sunk into tan shoulder as the climax hit, tawny eyes squeezing shut as it washed over him in a wave of ecstasy.

Moments passed as the wind from the open window blew over the two intertwined bodies, cooling the molten flesh as both sought to find their breath. Finally, clinging fingers slipped from the black fabric, sliding down along muscled arms dropping to the bed as the body fell slack to the sheets.

"Where have you been?" quiet in the darkness, the moon now barely lighting their features. Kajimoto looked up, violet orbs searching the sharp-featured face above his. The silence stretched for a moment as Akutsu shifted, disengaging and laying beside his lover. Reaching down he pulled up the sheets, forgoing his normal cigarette for the sake of exhaustion.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder…so they fucking say," he murmured, yellow eyes already hidden behind dark eyelids. Kajimoto snorted, rolling his eyes as he curled on his side against the taller body beside his. He would never understand, but sometimes you didn't need to. Kicking his pants off his ankle, he settled completely, comfortable now that the reality of the other was apparent by the beating of the heart beneath his ear.


End file.
